Free Shorts: I'm Your Huckleberry

 Here's one of my non-standard fantasy stories, written from a prompt to craft a Western fairytale. Western as in the Old West. This odd, endearing creation was the result. I hope you enjoy it.

I'm Your Huckleberry

Once upon a time, in a territory far to the West, there lived a beautiful young woman who loved to bake pies. Her name was Rosie Dawn Dawson. Rosie would bake pies with marionberries, chokecherries, crabapples, strawberries, peaches, apples, apricots, rhubarb, raspberries, blackberries, pecans and cherries. But her favorite pie was huckleberry. No one else in Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain liked huckleberries.

Yes, the name of the town was Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain. There wasn’t enough water for anything. The townfolk were always digging new wells. Rosie had to be very careful with the water she used for irrigating her plants and trees; she only had enough for one pie each. Her seven pie trees were stunted because they didn’t have enough water to grow to their full size. She liked to think of them as her Seven Dwarfs.

Now the town of Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain had several casinos. The townfolk lost there regularly, and all that money ended up in the pockets of Chabley Montpelier. He was the richest man in town. Nearly every business in Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain was under his heel in some way. Everyone was afraid of him.

Except Rosie. See, in Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain there was a shortage of unmarried women. In Western towns, most of the women were snapped up as soon as they arrived. But Rosie insisted on waiting to fall in love. She had lived in town since her father had moved here to start his bakery business. Lyle Dawson had once had high hopes of Rosie marrying into a dairy family, thus creating the basis for a bread-and-butter empire, but he, as well as all the single men in Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain, soon realized how adamant Rosie was about waiting until she found that special spark.

Including Mr. Montpelier. He had noticed Rosie the day she arrived, and had waited until she was of age to begin his courtship of her, never dreaming that he would fail completely. He hounded her for an entire year, offering bribes and gifts that would have made most other girls swoon. But Rosie always refused. She liked baking pies, and she wanted to fall in love.

And then, it happened.

A stranger rode into town one day, his rusty flat-brimmed hat pulled low over his eyes. His horse was the same rusty color as his hat, and the white bridle and saddle, with their gold trim, matched the hat’s band. The man wore black pants with rusty chaps and boots, and a black shirt with a rusty vest over it.

He pulled up in front of Rosie’s Pie Shop, dismounted and whipped the end of the reins around her hitching rail, before doffing his hat and striding inside. His boots made loud thuds on the wooden floor of Rosie’s shop, and she looked up from her crust-crimping to see who had come in.

“Mornin’, ma’am,” the stranger said, hat in hand.

“Good morning, stranger. What can I do for you?” Rosie smiled self-consciously, dusting flour off her gingham skirt and smoothing her light brown curls back from her face.

“Well, ma’am, I’ve just arrived in Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain, and I’ve got me a powerful hunger for some huckleberry pie. I was wonderin’ if you might be in possession of such a concoction here at your fine pie shop.” The man leaned an elbow on Rosie’s high counter and smiled, his dark brown eyes atwinkle.

Rosie gasped. “Huckleberry pie?” she squeaked. “You want huckleberry pie?”

“Well, ma’am, I’d take just about any pie you have right now, as my belly button’s wearin’ a hole in my backbone, but I figgered it cain’t hurt to ask for what I really want, in case you’ve got some. Huckleberry pie’s my favorite.”

“Oh, wait here, please!” she said, fluttering her hands at the stranger. She fled to the back room, where she had most of her own personal huckleberry pie left. She grabbed a clean plate and fork and slid a fat slice onto the plate, then returned to the front room and presented it to the stranger.

His dark eyes lit up in amazement. “Miss Rosie, you’re a wonder. Pardon my forwardness, but I think I just might love you!”

Rosie blushed. “What’s your name, stranger?”

“Everyone calls me Rusty.”

“Really? Why is that?”

“Oh, because of my horse.” Rusty gestured out the window.

She noted that the horse was also rust-colored. “Your horse is Rusty, too?”

“No, that would be confusing. My horse’s name is Russ Steed.”

They both laughed, and Rosie decided that she too would have some huckleberry pie. They sat at a small wooden table on her front porch, eating pie and talking. He told her that his revolver was named Secret Weapon, and his long rifle was named Easy Temper, because it had a long fuse. She told him about her father’s bread-baking business, and her Seven Dwarf trees. He laughed, and Rosie knew she’d found the man she wanted to marry.

As they parted ways there on Rosie’s pie shop porch, however, a sinister pair of eyes glared from the dark alley across the way. Mr. Montpelier decided it was time to act, and this time he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

That night, while Rusty lay in his boarder room, dreaming of Rosie and her huckleberry pie, Mr. Montpelier’s hired hands broke into Rosie’s sleeping room in the back of the pie shop and snatched her from her bed. They tied her hands and gagged her, and put her on a horse. As they rode off into the blackness of the night, Rosie kicked off one of her slippers, hoping it would help someone rescue her. Someone like Rusty.

The next morning, Rusty rode up to Rosie’s pie shop and found a small, milling crowd. An older man with flour all over his apron seemed especially distraught.

Without dismounting, Rusty asked the baker, “What happened here?”

“Someone’s taken my Rosie!” Lyle exclaimed. “They left her bed full of money-bags! I don’t want cash. I just want my Rosie back,” he lamented.

“It must be Montpelier,” someone murmured from the crowd, and everyone nodded fearfully and turned to look up the canyon to the west, where Montpelier’s mansion was perched at the edge of the canyon’s boxed end.

A longing for Rosie built up in Rusty’s chest, and he heard himself proclaim, “I’ll go get her back.”

“But how? And, who are you, anyway?” Lyle asked, squinting at the stranger.

“I’m Rusty, sir, and I do believe I’m in love with your daughter. Now, if you all will excuse me, I’ve a damsel to save.” Rusty touched his brim and nodded to the crowd, and urged Russ into a trot.

It wasn’t long until he found a slipper in the scrub brush. He knew immediately that it was Rosie’s by its giant embroidered huckleberry. He clenched it to his chest, glaring up at the box canyon.

“Montpelier, you and I are going to have a reckoning,” he vowed.

Rusty and Russ raced to the canyon’s mouth, crossing a dry wash that angled south of town, directing any flash flooding away from the buildings. Russ leaped its expanse easily, and then the walls of the canyon closed in around them.

Up the box canyon they rode, dodging the reaching arms of a twisted saguaro cactus, jack knifing among sinister growths of prickly pear, and leaping across enormous barrel cacti.

Finally, Rusty spotted the narrow trail that led up the left side of the canyon to Montpelier’s home. He guided Russ Steed onto the slender rock path.

The sun had reached its zenith before Rusty arrived at the mansion. He ground-tied Russ behind a large boulder, out of sight, and sneaked up on the elaborate building.

What a waste of money, Rusty thought, eyeing the intricate gingerbread that trimmed the roof line and window lintels. And what a waste of good gingerbread.

Rusty made it all the way around the bottom level of the mansion without seeing anyone in any of the windows. All the doors were locked. Around back, he squinted against the sun that slipped in under the brim of his hat. Maybe he could leap to the roof from a rocky outcrop.

Sure enough, after Rusty had clambered up the rock face that was mere feet from the back of the house, the leap to the roof was easy as pie.

Then Rusty’s nose caught a new smell. It wasn’t pie; it was water! Looking around in bewilderment, Rusty tried to find the source. He realized it was coming from the other side of the rock wall here at the end of the canyon. Not seeing Rosie through any of the windows on this side of the mansion, Rusty took a minute to climb to the top of the rock wall.

He was nearly blinded by the reflection of the sun. An enormous lake spread for hundreds of acres, and off in the distance he could see a tall waterfall pouring its pure fresh water endlessly into the lake. Rusty gasped in awe at the sight of so much water in one place.

Suddenly, a scream from inside the house caught his attention. It was Rosie!

Rusty climbed down the rock wall and leaped to the roof. He followed the screaming to one window and leaped through the plate glass. He rolled to his feet, drawing his revolver, Secret Weapon.

Rosie sat tied to a chair next to a mannequin with a wedding dress, and Montpelier was next to her, thrusting a veil at her. They both stared at him.

“Rusty!” Rosie exclaimed.

“Rusty?” asked Montpelier.

“Boss?” one of Montpelier’s hired hands asked, his voice muffled through the hallway door.

“Rosie.” Rusty smiled. “Montpelier.” He glared.





“All right, that’s enough. I’m Rusty, you’re Montpelier, she’s Rosie, and she’s coming with me.” Rusty waved his revolver toward Montpelier, who backed up and let Rusty step close to Rosie and untie her.

“Oh, Rusty!” Rosie exclaimed, throwing her arms around Rusty. “It was awful! He wanted me to wear chiffon!”

“Don’t worry, Rosie. I’ll never make you wear chiffon,” Rusty comforted her.

“Get in here now, you buffoons!” Montpelier shouted.

Rusty looked over and tried to shoot at Montpelier, but the villain threw a chair at him and ran for the door, just as it opened and seven henchmen ran into the room.

They all raised their guns to shoot Rusty, but he was quicker than they were, and fired six shots off so rapidly that not one of his victims got a chance to shoot him first. The seventh man grinned  and drew back the hammer on his revolver.

Rusty fired again, a seventh shot, and the last man fell to the floor as well.

“Oh, so that’s your secret about Secret Weapon,” Rosie said, unfazed, a true woman of the West.

“No, that’s just practicality. The secret‘s that I‘ve got a wad of chaw stuffed in the handle. It makes a mean short-distance projectile,” Rusty answered with a grin, sweeping her into his arms and leaping out the window.

Once around to the side of the roof, he whistled for Russ, and his faithful Steed trotted into sight. Rusty leaped into the saddle, Rosie still in his arms. Far from complaining, Russ Steed whinnied welcomingly, for he was a true Western horse.

Just then Montpelier dashed out the front doors of his mansion, rifle in hand. He looked about wildly until he spotted the horse and its two riders.

“Rusty, look out!” Rosie called, pointing to Montpelier as the villain raised his weapon.

Rusty didn’t bother looking at Montpelier. He reached for Easy Temper, pulling it from its long leather home on his saddle, and fired.

“But--” Rosie began. Rusty hadn’t shot anywhere near Montpelier.

Montpelier also was confused. He looked in the direction Rusty had fired, just in time to see a stick of dynamite explode against the rock wall that held back his secret lake. The rock wall cracked and trembled.

Rusty fired another stick at the wall, then tucked the rifle away. Rosie hung on for dear life as Rusty hollered, “Yee ha, Russ Steed, away!”

Russ Steed reared a bit, and then leaped onto the narrow rock ledge at full gallop, just as the rock wall behind them collapsed with an enormous grinding moan.

Montpelier stood stock-still and watched the first wave of water arch over his home, crushing it to splinters and smashing into him, before everything washed over the lip of rock he’d built his home on, falling down to the bottom of the canyon.

Rusty willed Russ to gallop faster. The horse hit the bottom of the canyon while the rushing flood was still a few hundred feet behind, but it was gaining quickly, and Rosie, looking behind them, gasped as she saw the muddy, cactus-filled deluge bearing down on them.

“Oh, no! How close are we to the town?”

“We’re nearly there! Hold on!” Rusty shouted, pulling his rifle out again. He loaded and fired repeatedly at the canyon walls, and the dynamite explosions brought rubble down behind them. The deluge slowed as it worked its way over and around the jagged boulders.

Rusty eventually ran out of ammunition, and soon the rushing flood was nearly at Russ’ hooves again. “Rusty!” cried Rosie.

“Here we go!” Rusty said. Russ took a last leap across the dry wash that marked the end of the canyon. Rosie looked down and saw the water slam into the wash, sending spray everywhere. A fair bit splashed out and soaked them before they rode clear of it. Rusty slowed Russ to a cooling walk as they approached town.

“Russ, that was amazing,” Rusty said. “I’m going to buy you the best alfalfa I can find for the rest of your life, pal.”

Townfolk ran up to see the lucky survivors and pepper them with questions. Lyle called eagerly to Rosie, who slipped down from Russ and hugged him tightly.

“What’s this water all about, Rosie?” her father asked, staring at it in awe.

“Oh, that? Rusty’s gone and made us a river, Pa. No more water shortages.”

“I guess we’ll need to change the name of our town,” Lyle said. He looked up at Rusty. “Son, I’m sorry, but I don’t believe I ever caught your last name.”

Rusty tipped his hat brim. “Dover, sir. Rusty Dover.”

Lyle’s eyes bugged. “Of Dover Dairy, down in Too Gol-dang Hot?”

Rusty grinned. “That’s us, sir.”

Rosie’s eyes widened. Her father’s dream of her marrying into a dairy family and creating a bread-and-butter empire was about to come true after all!

“Father, I love this man! He loves my pies, and he saved me from Montpelier! He’s the man I want to marry.” Rosie turned shining eyes to her hero, astride his faithful Steed.

Rusty looked down at Rosie and grinned. “Well then, Rosie Dawn, I’m your huckleberry.”

The town of Why-Are-We-Living-Here-On-This-Dry-Plain changed its name to Flowing-With-Bread-And-Butter. The river was duly named the Huckleberry River, and Rusty and Rosie lived happily ever after.

1 comment:

  1. No comments yet? Aw, come on! This is a hoot!